How I Passed the California Bar Exam

It only seems fitting that this, my 100^th blog post, should be about the one thing that haunted my dreams and seemingly defined my life for the past year. It's now been almost five weeks since I found out that I passed the California Bar Exam on my second try. Somehow though, the dull ache that settled in the pit of my stomach last February still hasn't entirely gone away. Because the anxiety associated with the experience ran so deep, there are admittedly some days that I will still feel a surge of panic thinking about the exam or the results, and I have to consciously remind myself that it's over and behind me now. When I remember that I passed and that I've already been sworn in and my heart rate starts to slow back down, the sense of relief that washes over me feels almost as good as it did the moment I first saw those magical words—"the name above appears on the past list for the February 2008 California Bar Exam"—on my screen.

Months ago I promised that if I passed, I would post an entire blog entry imparting what I learned from the experience on my comrades who are giving in another try, and on all those wide-eyed first time takers wondering if it really is that scary (let me go ahead and put your mind to rest…yes, it really is that scary). With just under six weeks to go until the July 2008 exam, I know that apprehension is starting to creep into the hearts of many and if they're anything like me, they'll be all over Google Blog Search trying to find some words of wisdom from someone who's been there. And though I don't know that I'd call this wisdom, I have been there, and I can tell you what worked for me. Some of my advice is tactical; some is karmic. Some of it is logical; some is spiritual. I don't claim to have the magic formula that will insure you, too, pass the California Bar. What I do have is the still-healing scars from the July '07 exam, and the undeniable sense of accomplishment at having overcome what I perceived as the biggest failure of my life. Unlike someone who got it right the first time, I have the (perhaps not so) unique perspective of telling you what didn't work, and what did. I'm not left to guess at why I passed because I know why I failed. And every move I took from November 16, 2007 to February 28, 2008 was calculated to remedy that.

So take it or leave it, but these are the things I wish I knew back when I thought I knew everything:

1. Take a commercial bar prep course.

There seems to be this school of thought out there that one can prepare for the CalBar alone. Most of the people who attend that school of thought fail. I know because I went there for a semester.

The first time around I didn't have an opportunity to take BarBri, or anything else. When the bar review courses started at the end of May I was still making court appearances on my cases in Missouri and Illinois, and making last minute plans for my wedding. I didn't even think about studying until late June. But a condition of my job offer (which I received on 7/3/07...three weeks pre-bar) was that I had to take the exam immediately. So I asked my friend Nick to send me his 2005 CA BarBri books, and borrowed some PMBR CDs from my friend Angie to listen to on the drive from St. Louis to San Diego. When we arrived, I had exactly 18 days to study. Worst. Idea. Ever.

I am a loyal BarBri girl (took it for Missouri, too) so it is definitely the course I'd recommend. But I hear the other options—BarPassers, BarSecrets, whatever—are also fine programs.

(As an aside, on principle alone I would refuse to use BarPassers. A few days before my February results came out they sent me a letter offering me a discount in the event that I failed. It left a very bad taste in my mouth.)

The guy who sat next to me in the February exam told me he had never taken a commercial prep course because they were too expensive and he needed to work instead of attending class. He had nothing else to write after about two hours so he spent the last third of each session braiding his own hair. He was taking the exam for the fourth time. So learn from him. Learn from me. Just take a class.

2. Take some time off work.

I know, I know. You have bills, you have a life, you owe thousands of dollars in law school debt. I get it. But really, you have to take some time off work before the exam (and I don't just mean a couple days). Save up, take out a loan, move back in with your parents, live on mac-n-cheese for a month or two. Just do what you have to do so you aren't choosing between spending an extra hour on that legal research project and spending an extra hour doing MBE practice questions. Or trying to do it all at the sacrifice of some much needed shut-eye.

I worked almost full-time up until the end of January, and then took the whole month of February off. Two months of studying all day everyday would have made me crazy. For me, that was the perfect balance. You may need more time off, but I'd strongly recommend you not take any less. And that brings me to my third tip...

3. Do not start studying a year in advance.

One of our law clerks (who is taking the bar next month) asked me back in October if I thought he should go ahead and start reviewing the subjects he hadn't looked at since 1L year. Um, no.

People, you will burn out. You cannot go guns a blazin' for three or four straight months. If you're still in law school, don't even think about studying until after graduation. If you think you're going to be coming back for seconds, at least wait until the results come out to dive in. I swear to you, if you work hard you can learn everything you need to know and practice everything you need to practice in two months, three tops. And come exam day, your brain is going to work a lot better if you haven't been beating new information into it daily for the past six months.

4. Wear your lucky bra and paint your toenails Rachel Pink.

What do you mean you don't have a lucky bra?

Okay, so for whatever reason, the bar exam made me very superstitious and OCD-prone. I had to have my fingernails and toenails painted in my power color (it isn't really called Rachel Pink, but it should be). I wore my lucky bra every day of the exam. I made my husband wish me good luck before I left each morning. I would only drink Diet Mountain Dew at lunch.

So bring out the rabbit's feet, the lucky socks, that special pen you wrote your best law school exam with. This isn't the time to take chances!

5. Make your body happy.

For a lot of people this means regular workouts and healthy eating. For me, it meant weekly massages, trips to the chiropractor, and regular cocktails. Oh, and taking extra vitamins just to make sure I didn't sick during those critical last few weeks. If you're a runner, this isn't the time to hang up your shoes. If you're a smoker, this isn't the time to take up the patch. However it is that you neutralize the stress in your body, make sure you stick with it. And maybe even step it up a notch.

6. Don't try to follow someone else's plan.

So I'm giving you all these tips. But really, you shouldn't try to follow them. At least not all of them. This was my plan, and it worked for me. But you have to make your study plan your own.

BarBri will give you a day-by-day schedule. Try to keep up with it, but adapt it to your own needs, and don't even think about getting down on yourself if you miss a reading assignment. You'll hear about other examinees and their tutors, their books, their techniques. Use these ideas as a jumping-off point; just don't adopt any one person or program's method wholesale. And don't buy into the idea that you need multiple courses, plus a tutor, plus a whole library of books on the subject. In the end it's not how much you spend on preparation, but how you actually prepare.

As for me, in case you're still shopping for ideas...
The first time around I didn't have a class. Just BarBri books, PMBR CDs, and a truckload of cockiness. I spent way too much time passively studying (reading and re-reading), not nearly enough time actually practicing questions. I had no plan whatsoever and was just tackling whatever subject seemed good that day. I didn't do a single performance test before exam day.

The second time around, I used the BarBri Paced Program as a guide, but I never even tried to do everything on their schedule. I was working full-time the whole first month of class, so I had to be somewhat conservative with my study schedule (knowing that I'd be making all that up in February). I don't think I even opened the long outlines. I probably only read about two-thirds of the Conviser mini-reviews. My focus was on reviewing my class notes and then practice, practice, practice.

At some point in time I at least read and outlined every sample essay question BarBri had. For at least one question in each subject, I wrote out a full answer (this is critical! don't skip it!). I spent a lot of time reviewing my answers and the sample answers and highlighting the things I'd missed.

After the simulated MBE (on which I got only 50% right, if that makes you feel any better) I made note cards out of each question I missed. From that point on, when I reviewed the answers to the MBE questions I missed I would highlight the rule of law in the answer key. In the last couple days before the exam, flipping through my note cards and re-reading those highlighted rules served as a great review. Plus, if you haven't heard this already, doing MBE questions can serve as a great way to drill the black letter law into your mind so that it comes second-hand on an essay. By exam time I'd increased my score on practice multi-state questions to as high as 80% and I'd beaten many of the rules into my head in the process.

9. Don't stop believing.

Okay, it's a little touchy-feely. I know. But in all seriousness, in the moments when I felt at the end of my rope, I was inspired by the lyrics of songs. Each morning on the way to the exam, and each day as I sat in my car eating my lunch, I would listen to the same playlist on my iPod. It started with Journey's "Don't Stop Believing." It ended with the Eagles' "Take It to the Limit." Somewhere in the middle was Kanye's "Stronger," Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer," Rodney Atkins' "If You're Going Through Hell, Keep on Going," and, of course, David Bowie's "Under Pressure." Without fail, the moment Steve Perry hit the chorus I would burst into tears. Flying down I-5 with my sun roof open, singing "Th-th-th-that that don't kill me can only make me stronger" with tears streaming down my face was strangely therapeutic. The lyrics, such as they are, were empowering. And by the time I reached the exam site, all that pent-up anxiety was fully released.

At the time I didn't think of these songs to be material to my preparation process. And it wasn't until two weeks before the results came out, when I heard "Under Pressure" on the radio and felt my chest get tight, that I realized how such a small piece of this puzzle had affected me. On the night I passed I was on the dance floor of a bar near Busch Stadium in St. Louis with my two best friends in the whole world when the DJ mixed in "Don't Stop Believing." Right then, in a moment that is perhaps second only to my own wedding in terms of sheer elation, I understood what it was inside me that drew me to that silly playlist to begin with.

10. Visualize.

The guy who gave our Wills & Trusts lecture in BarBri finished his class with some words of wisdom. Many of them were things I'd heard before (exercise, eat well, yada yada), but the one new thing he suggested was visualization therapy. Professional athletes use it as a way to mentally prepare themselves for the big event. My wellness guru (chiropractor) uses it in his practice. And there seems to be some actual scientific evidence that he helps.

So the Wills & Trusts guy encouraged us to, each day, close our eyes and visualize walking into the exam...opening the booklet...outlining...getting stuck and working through it. He said to picture in your mind every step of the way and get your brain used to how it will feel. And then, he said, picture that moment when you find out you passed.

And so I did. Every night as I lay in bed, I calmed my restless mind by visualizing everything about the exam...from what I would wear to what it would feel like to call my mom and tell her I passed. Of course, I had the added benefit of having actually done it once before, so I knew what it would look like and smell like. But what I hadn't felt was the relief of seeing your name on the pass list. So I took that part of the visualization so seriously that I actually wrote the magic words ("the name above appears on the past list for the February 2008 California Bar Exam") on a post-it note and stuck it to my computer screen.

I have no idea whether this actually made any difference in my score. But it made me feel a hell of a lot better.

11. Pray.

Pray to God. Pray to Zeus. Pray to whomever it is that you pray to. Just recognize that there is something to be said about laying your troubles at the feet of a being greater than you...about finding strength in spirit.

I was raised Lutheran, but I haven't been to church (except for weddings and funerals) in many years. I'm a believer, though I've never considered myself deeply religious. But never before in my life had I felt something as dark and suffocating as failing big and wondering whether I had it in me to overcome this.

Like most of the lawyers in our country, I think I'm pretty smart. I graduated magna cum laude and went to a Top 20 law school. I did well on the LSAT. I passed two other bar exams. I spent three years of my life (and a hell of a lot of money) learning the law, and another two years practicing it at a good firm. As my best friend put it when I was just about to check my results back in November, I'd never really failed at anything before, so I certainly wasn't going to fail this silly little test.

But I did. And learning that I'm far from bulletproof, and that I had put my entire future in jeopardy because I was too busy to give this exam the deference it deserved absolutely sent me reeling. For weeks after the bad news I put on my brave face and told everyone I'd be fine this time around. But inside I was scared shitless. Around that time, something from my days in a Lutheran elementary school sparked in my mind and I felt compelled to pray. Daily. Hourly. In the car. In my bed. In the exam. During my three days of personal hell in February, I think I talked to God more than I talked to my husband.

I have no intention of forcing religion on you. I simply encourage you to nurture whatever spirituality you already have. For me, this was a vital part of the process.

My parting words of advice:

• Whether you believe you can or not, you're right. In all fairness, this is Henry Ford's original thought, not mine. But it's still true.
• Pack your lunch each day of the exam. I was advised before the MO bar that bringing a cooler was a much better idea than eating at some random fast food restaurant because the last thing you want is an upset stomach for the afternoon session. It's cheap and easy. There are no lines. Good idea.
• Practice the performance tests. Do at least three. In my opinion, you pass or fail this exam on the PTs.
• Don't waste your time re-reading the same outlines over and over again. Once (no more than twice) is enough. Engage in active studying. Do practice questions. Outline every single one you can get your hands on. In the last two weeks, put the Conviser Mini-Review and all the long outlines back into your closet. At that point, you've read them plenty of times and it's time to focus on the stuff you've created with your own hands.
• Give yourself a break. Studying from 6am to 10pm every day, seven days a week will leave you drained and burned out and totally ineffective. Make sure you're carving out time every day to do something totally non-bar related. And don't be afraid to take an entire day off. Balance is the key here.
• Consider the first week of BarBri and all the BarBri "essay workshops" as optional. I found them utterly pointless. You should, however, attend the PT workshops. Good stuff there.
• Don't freak out about the multi-state. Yes, you should practice it. Yes, it counts for 35% of your grade. But I'm told time and again that people don't fail the bar on the multiple choice questions; they fail on the written portion. Balance your studying between the essays and the MBEs, but when it doubt about what to study next, err on the side of practicing more essays and PTs.
• Stay positive and calm, and stay away from people who aren't positive and calm. Negative energy will suck the life out of you. I made a conscious effort to smile and take a series of deep breaths before I walked into the exam each morning. Was I genuinely happy to be alive? No, not really. But I looked and felt a heck of a lot more stable and grounded than the panicky people who looked like they would prefer curl up in the fetal position under their table.
• Be a sheep. You'll hear that in BarBri a lot. But it's so true. You don't want your answers to stand out. You want to blend in and not call any extra attention to yourself. So stop resisting the "California method" and just accept the fact that it's how you pass the exam. Underline all the headings in your outline. Sign post them so the grader doesn't have to work to see if you spotted the right stuff. And then, say it with me, IRAC! Don't ask why it works. It just does. So stop trying to impress the pants off them with your innovation and just do what you're told!
• Don't stay up until midnight the night before the exam trying to cram. If you haven't learned it by that point, you aren't going to. And sleep is way more valuable than an extra hour of flipping through notecards.
• Just because you're already licensed somewhere else does not mean that you don't have to work for this. I've got two other bars and several years of practice under my belt. I thought that meant I had an advantage. I couldn't have been more wrong. California is different than the other state bar exams. Until you're ready to learn the California method and accept that this exam is harder than any other bar in the country, you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of beating this thing.
• Don't fall into the trap of believing this exam has you beat before you ever go in. There are a lot of stupid people in this state who managed to pass the California bar exam. You know you're smarter than them, so there is no reason you can't pass it too. Whether it's a prior failure or just the fear of the unknown that is filling you with self-doubt, don't ever let yourself believe you can't do this. It's within your reach. You just have to believe. And work your ass off.

So how did I pass the California bar exam?

Blood, sweat, tears and prayers. When I closed my laptop at the end of the last session in February, I knew that if I hadn't passed, I would never pass. I took off work for a month, I took BarBri, I spent some 14 hour days in the UCSD medical library. I made notecards, I used outlines. I got massages to stay relaxed, I wore my lucky bra and I prayed a lot. There was nothing else I could have done. I knew I had done my best. And that was a feeling I could live with.